How to LEAD in a conflict situation

Last week, I talked to you about the magic PIL for handling conflict with toxic people. PIL stands for Pause, Inquire, LEAD. This week, I want to talk to you about how to LEAD, even when it feels like the other person has more power. To recap, when we’re experiencing conflict with a toxic person, we often feel like this:

Even when we are blaming ourselves for their behavior, it is still like thunderbolts pointed at us that we have to defend ourselves from. When we follow the first steps of pausing and inquiring, we can separate what we can control from what we can’t control. We can separate what is our responsibility from what is not our responsibility.

This week, we talk about how to take the LEAD in a conflict situation.

Taking the LEAD in a conflict situation means thinking of yourself as the adult in the conflict. If the other person is acting like a child, it is time to treat him like a child. If the other person is throwing a tantrum and unable to manage his emotions, what would you expect from a child? How would you respond to a child? The key to answering this is in four steps: