Boundaries 101

When we are tolerating behavior we don't like, it can be because there is a boundary problem. More often it is because we are hooking our feelings on other people's behavior.

For example, it is not a boundary to say, "No, I don't want to go out tonight." That's just saying what YOU are going to do. Saying "no" when someone asks you to do something is not a boundary. When we say "yes" to things we don't want to do, it is not poor boundaries, it is lying.

It is not a boundary to say, "I feel terrible because you don't do any work around the house." That is a guilt trip.

An emotional boundary is like a property boundary. It involves a boundary violation - someone coming into your space. For example, if someone hits you, that literally violates your personal space. If someone talks to you with a raise