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Is he an angel or a demon?


I was talking with a client the other day and she told me that she couldn't decide whether her ex-boyfriend was a hero who had saved her life or a demon who had ruined it. Her brain was going back and forth between the evidence that he was perfection on earth or the worst thing that ever happened to her.

She had plenty of evidence of both.

Here is what was neutral: he paid rent. He hit her.

Her thoughts about that created an extreme pendulum swing back and forth between whether her boyfriend was God or Satan.

And she's not alone. All of us fall into the trap of believing that if a positive thought about our relationship is wrong, the most negative thought MUST be true.

If her boyfriend hit her, that meant he must be a demon. But he had also paid her rent, so he must be a savior. Demon or savior? Demon or savior? Our brains could go back and forth finding evidence of both all day long.